did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
