Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
