don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
