By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
