Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
