I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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