I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
