She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
