im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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