He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
