But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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