Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
