sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
