Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
