I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
