Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
