Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
