i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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