when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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