the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
