WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
