his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
home. puking in laundry basket.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
