I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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