My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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