It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
