I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh god the rape fog is back!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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