I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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