Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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