Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
