So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
