The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
