I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
