dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
