I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
