dude i'm inner monologue high
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
