woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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