i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
