You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
