i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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