I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
