Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
