He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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