I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish my penis had a tongue
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
