I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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