Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
