So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
