have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
