It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
