Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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