Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
