GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
