id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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