My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
