Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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