We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
