Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
