My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
