Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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