if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
