I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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