Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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