I'm going to jail i love you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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