LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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