Screwed.edu
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
