You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize