She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
