im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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