Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
