she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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