Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
