Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
