I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
