Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
