I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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