If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
