that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
