The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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